Wednesday, September 27, 2006

caught in a thunderstorm

thunderstorms. in a more precise term that is understood and recognized by the public and is applied with the basic concepts of allegory and symbolism, problems.

i hate the rain... (let me make it clear) only when it pours down (straight) on me.

if i were to rate this "typhoonic" day, it would garner perhaps a 6. why?! you see........

first. due to the heavy rains, the day began with not a single trace of sunshine which often boost my energy for another day. althroughout the day, i felt depressed and gloomy and lazy as well... i even made a foolish mistake by smacking my seatmate at his back so hard that the "thud" thudded so, so loudly that it was heard by everyone in the room. i don't know what has taken over in my mind that caused me to resort to such act. i just felt so, so gigil na gigil with my seatmate that's why i smacked him hard, very hard. it was so painful.

second. the college orientation was definitely a bore. yeah, i learned alot from it. actually, i even realized that maybe i'll learn to love nursing after all. maybe as i take this course i'll learn to see that sweetness that is concealed within. and at first, i really enjoyed the orientation especially if we are seated near the ever and certified wafu--*ar***!!! (who's so corny that his signature was something found in "shoemart" and that his joke was what color should socks be worn..duh!) :p but later on, everything seemed to be a lecture from hell (maybe i was a little carried away) not-on-this-world land which seems to have gone eternity but sums up to nothing, as in nothing at all! the lecturer who maybe is one of the incompetent teachers...oops! mean girl on the loose!...even insisted on asking for our questions and even fooled around with the jerks who kept on asking questions irrelevant to the topic. oh please! you deserve each other! proceed to "nothing..chruva" land! :p worst is, we wasted another additional hour of chatting with my peeps just for their foolishness!

third. it seemed like a second version of what i felt last friday.. only that i am with some of my peeps this time. i wanna throw up. not because i'm pregnant or soemthing but due to the cheesiness of "some" girls' testi's for him! yuck! again, they, all of them (except me), are a match made in...hell.

fourth. it was due to the rain, again. jo and i were stranded in the lobby since no tryc is willing to take us home. perhaps, some would be willing to take me home since i would pay 15 pesos just for him to give me a lift upto our house just across the street but of course, i would not leave joanne alone. we waited. i got impatient. when we went to the near shed, wishing that somehow a tryc would take pity on us and give us a lift, but unforutnately, this stupid girl with matching dickies shoes with her son which are so cute (but then i hate the girl because she's so stupid) suddenly closed her umbrella just right infront of me, straight in my face, and bombarded me with drops and drops of acidic rainwater as if i am a filthy dog which she gave an instant bath! gosh! thanks! (*sarcasm here!)

but everything changed. at least, the thunderstorm postponed the classes tomorrow! i guess it's nice to experience a storm after all! :p

in the smallest possible size i could write on. lovelife update: i think i am beginning to get over him. at least, i accepted to myself that the impossible can never come true no matter how you believe in it... especially if you know that he has "other things" going on for him. and just recently i realized, everytime i look or wish for him to be where i am, he doesn't turn up but if not, he always comes around. oh well... i guess i just have to be accustomed to not wishing for him anymore... :P actually, i am alot happier right now. now that i am starting to free myself from the thoughts of him.

posted by anthonette || 10:41 PM

Monday, September 25, 2006

a day of narcissism

today is the day i've been waiting for in my entire life... (owkei i get it! it's a little exaggerated) highschool life (aside from the prom, the fair, the intrmas, the...)

it's my grad pic taking day!!!

it was all so tiring but of course for a narci like me it felt like a dream come true... with all the bright lights, the pretend-you're-an-actress-at-a-taping treatment and with all the cool poses... everything felt so OooOhhh-la-la... it makes my heart sing!

at first i did not like my hairdo for my toga pic but of course, i have to like it or else my efforts (aal that preparation and stuff) will all go down into the drain. so i tried to like it and in fairness when i saw my pictures they were all so wonderful! (especially my creative pix and our group pic...) :p

but after all.. i realized, we only have months to linger here in la salle. we are really graduating and for sure i am gonna miss my friends, my teachers (esp. the "funny" ones), the stinking food (except my mom's of course...SAM'S Pasta is the best!!!), hacienda, chez, fishballan sa tapat, mcdo (you see, eating is my most memorable experiences here) even studying, the cutest "level 9" boys, and i admit, him.

guess i've gotta go now.. or else i won't gradaute... :p
still have to practice for Maritornes... the whore! :p

posted by anthonette || 8:16 PM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

entry from a "narcissist"

tomorrow i shall be someone whom i never thought i could be... even in my wildest dreams.

i really can't sleep. i can't wait for tomorrow to come! it would be our grad pic taking and as preparation, i did some narcissistic rituals that only i and my fellow cam-whores (or maybe even cam-gigolos) can understand.

the rehearsal. i posed in different poses, tried different angles, overused my digi's memory and maybe exhaust my jaws by smiling and smiling just to see the most perfect pose.

"practice makes perfect..." why not?!




just one of the pictures... :p





vivian?! is it you?! :p



rehearsal even in the room?! :p

the ending. everything shall happen tomorrow... think i have to go now... my mother promised she will iron my hair... haha.. even my mom feels excited! :p

posted by anthonette || 8:11 PM

Saturday, September 23, 2006

hats off no more! plus more!

3:25 pm. afternoon. September 23 2006. today. an event happened. and it was all so so depressing. mia, my pretty peep, texted me to tell me that she bought me flip flops from Laguna. wowowee! but it was not a good thing after all. when i asked her if she found a hat for me, for my creative picture on monday, she replied: uh-uh. oh no!

3:30 pm. afternoon. September 23 2006. today. i am still on the process of texting mia with the different things that have to be accomplished on monday. suddenly, an idea came to my mind. aha! yes! i'll just swing my strappy heels over my shoulder and position sidewards (instead of infront of the camera) with my a sheepish smile plastered on my face. yeah.. it was good but the hat thing is far better.

8:00 pm or so. nighttime. September 23 2006. today. i still feel depressed. for the entire afternoon i wasted time by practicing my smile with my newly formulated plan. yeah..it was good but the hat thing is far better. when suddenly, the skies lit up. (hinde naman exagge!) and mia texted me that she found the perfect hat.. the big, girly, white hat with blue somethings on it. i may not have seen it but from the way it was described... it was all so beautiful... :p

9:00 pm or so. nighttime. September 23 2006. today. i am so happy! my plans are all gonna work! can't wait for monday! and when i signed in in my ym... there he was. i waited. i remember berna's words: "play hard to get". i did. and where did i end up to? but i still did. i did not pm him. i won't waste time. he has others and now is the time for me to search for others also. and i know his vulnerable spot. he hates it when his susceptible girls (and i'm one of them) ignores him. he wants to be the snob. i know. he admitted that so many times to me. and he always tells me that he was disappointed whenever i don't greet him, especially if he's so proud just because of "certain things". minutes passed. he gave up. he signed out. oh well... nothing really happened. at least i made one thing sure to him: i am not gonna follow him around nor fuss about his mere presence.

9:40 pm. nighttime. September 23 2006. today. i had a funny evening. i was just writing about him when the teevee kept mentioning his name. haha.. it's so cute. there were different shows but all of them never missed mentioning his name. oh well... life sure is fun--funny. i am still happy because i have my mighty HAT... monday here i come! be ready to see your world rock! :p

posted by anthonette || 9:19 PM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

stupidity controls destiny...duh!

"Repost this and at 12:00 AM your loved one will realize how much he or she loves you. If you don't repost this, you will have bad luck for the rest of your life!!!"...

sounds familiar? yep, you're right it's one of those stupid chain letters posted and reposted in friendster bulletins...

they have nice subjects.. very interesting and entertaining. but what i hate most in these chain letters are "profane" words like : "...if you don't repost this you will have bad luck.." duh! why are people so gullible that they repost this message over and over...

man makes his own destiny. i believe firmly in that, which is probably why i don't feel troubled whenever i read one of this stupid chain letters that curse its reader if the reader doesn't follow its command...

hello?! i'm not gullible.

i know you might think that i am weird or something for making such a big deal in these things.. it's owkei. i know i also find myself weird. but maybe i am just more irritated with what these chain letters say...

often they promise that if you repost it something good might happen... haha! very funny... thing is, nothing really happens.. and i really don't think reposting it will change his mind or something... he is born to be a heartbreaker...a player. and only a miracle can change him.

i don't know but even a reliable hula can't make me regain the "hope" i have lost... i mean, it's so hard to move on right?! and i can't bear to accept the fact that i'm still stuck on him. oops! what did i just say?! pretend you read nothing.

how pathetic...

here i am again thinking of him... ha!

STOP ME!! :p

so, my parting words: pretend at least once in your life that you are intelligent. that you don't have to rely on "false prophecies" in the form of stupid chain letters by doing what they asked you to. they are just telling you such things because it is the way they can earn a profit. (and for more info on how they can make profit out of it... see the Internet) and please... don't be gullible.

*** i think i am overly sensitive because of my "." sorry! :p

posted by anthonette || 7:40 PM

Friday, September 15, 2006

troubled soul (?)

and it all happened.

i was just typing my new post for today about all that has happened throughout the day when an unexplainable thing happened to me...

it all started when...

i was thinking of the title of my new post and at the same time organizing my thoughts. when suddenly, i looked at the screen and saw series of dots on the screen. it was very odd. but i laughed at myself first thinking that maybe i have unknowingly pressed the period key or something... so i just deleted it and immediately resumed to my reverie...

an idea came up. so, i prepared myself to type, type, type.. when surprisingly, i looked up and saw that the screen was already filled with the word: "LONG". i really don't understand. i was so surprised! and what added to my surprise is the continuous appearance of the word "long" on screen... as if it has ignored the fact that i am already looking at it, terrified and totally shivering of fear.

the funny thing was, i cannot react to what was happening. i was caught in agape. i cannot seem to do something to stop it. the typing continues... at first there were series of dots then the dots would change to "long" and so on... i was so so afraid... then, i came back to my senses. i had the courage to close the window and immediately turned off the computer (without even shutting it down through the START menu!) i cared less of the damage it might do to our pc... what is important is that i will no longer see the terrifying scene.

it is so freaky...

i mean if that's a "troubled one" then it should have typed "prayer" or "pray for me" or something.. ayt? but why has it chosen to write : long?

oh lord, please..pretty please.. help me!

good thing the scenario was not repeated when i wrote this! :p

posted by anthonette || 7:27 PM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

a letter for you...
at least, i just want you to know...

got nothing to do... so here goes...

if you are reading this, i guess i want you to know:

i can't get over you...that easily.

i am lucky to have met you. you were everything a girl would surely fall for. you seemed sincere, gentle, sweet... so ideal. you were someone i never thought i could ever find. you are almost perfect. you may not seem perfect to others, but for me, you are.

for a moment, i thought saying "i love you" was all worth it.

then i realized, i was wrong.

i guess i should not have said that i loved you. then maybe i am not feeling this way. anyway, thanks... thanks for teaching me that sincere words are indeed sincere but not totally honest. thanks for showing me that gentleness is just a front act, but it does not mean you are really concerned. thanks for letting me know that sweetness can never be love.
...at least i owe you these lessons.

but i think you need not to worry at all.

it might be difficult. it might be painful.
but if pain is the risk of letting you go, i would gladly take it.
at least, i'll no longer be a fool, holding on to something you have let go..so easily.

i know that the sun will shine even if you ran away...
and it shall shine for me...

you are one lucky bastard because i have fallen for you.

but i guess, i deserve someone far better than you.

farewell...

and now i come back to reality...
reality check. i really can't tell this to him. :c

posted by anthonette || 6:41 PM

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

confessions of a shopaho singlehood-holic

i am single. but not available.

when it comes to love, they say i am an amateur or in simpler terms, a sucker.

i am sorry if i have never even played the game before but not totally sorry that i missed the chance. actually, i intentionally missed the chances. i admit, i have never really experienced having a date with another person of the opposite sex. i don't know but the thought that only i and him are together and that he might do some things ...you know the story... scares me alot. and eversince i was young, i always thought that i am always young and that i must not do what only adults do. so i began to despise couples walking around, holding hands laughing secretly at their own secret jokes, (eeww!) as if they were doing a heinous crime or something.

until now, now that my fellow teenagers seem to enjoy every moment with their "puppy love", i prefer spending time with my friends boy-hunting, eating, chatting, laughing, eating, fooling around, eating...did i say eating?... than wasting my time with a boyfriend-material offered by my youth: immature and irresponsible. i assure you i don't have a boy-phobia or something (in fact, i love boy-hunting and rating with my friends) but i really haven't pictured out myself as one of the girls laughing at a stupid joke thrown by their pa-cool boyfriend. i enjoy the company of my friends alot and maybe if i were to choose between fishball-an sessions with my friends or a movie date with a cutie, i would choose the date with my friends. (not unless the date with the cutie includes an all-expense paid cruise or an overly expensive romantic dinner, of course.. i know my friends would understand.. :p)

maybe i was right after all. there is definitely nothing wrong with being single but still, we must have experiences first so that we won't make a fool out of ourselves in the future. then maybe, it is okay to experience the "L" word in every youth's case but of course, self-cpntrol is very important.

just like what commercials say:

drink love moderately. :p

posted by anthonette || 8:18 PM

Monday, September 11, 2006

totally crazy over "you"

where are you now?

during our "sentimental meditations", certain philosophies of life are being tackled that has surpassed that of morrie's... philosophies all about...guess what? love. yep, it's definitely the "L" word. hahaha... sooOOoo corny... anyway, why not? tsoknat?!Ü

well... our beloved Prince Shin got us (don't worry i'll only be the one to take the extreme humiliation) into thinking that why our life is not as happy as it is supposed to be... why although everything seems to fall into place, we still feel incomplete...

and if you were to ask what would be that "certain" incomplete factor?!

...our prince charming.

we know that we still have a lifetime to wait for our prince charmings but what probably has taken them so so long that we are getting tired waiting for them? it seems that they have been lost in the woods or wherever... are we supposed to save them? or wait probably another lifetime just for them to find us in our castles?

hmmph. destiny love sucks. peace tayo, destiny... don't worry binawi ko na... bka kc ma-bad luck ako nyan! :p

posted by anthonette || 8:40 PM

farewell or not?

even i don't understand myself. it seems as if my mind has its own command and it has been very tired to listen to my heart anymore.

realizing that you were somehow within reach, i thought it would be another dreadful week of thinking of you. however, "miraculously", i never even looked forward to seeing you everyday starting today. it felt to me like you were a total stranger that i was not at all interested to know. it seemed to me that you are already a nobody; perhaps, a past i am so eager to forget and a present that has no future...with me.

everything seems to have changed. whenever i see you before, my breathing stops...my heart jumps...my mind seems to malfunction; but now, everything felt so numb...so cold...that it feels like i am very used to that occasion where i look like a fool drooling over you, filling more your already ego-filled head; and now that i am so, so used to it...i can't seem to vividly feel it anymore. or maybe, i really feel nothing at all.

maybe i am finally in the course taught by that song. maybe i am officially in the "letting go" period. maybe my grip is not as tight as it used to be. maybe i am starting to detach myself from what has been holding me back to you. maybe i am getting so tired that i'll choose to retreat. maybe it is farewell after all.

maybe...

question is: if i have really let you go, why am i still writing about you? ;c

posted by anthonette || 7:45 PM

Sunday, September 10, 2006

catching mr. big fish

Still got nothing to do so here goes...

Before I even finished my blog.. I thought of different things I may place here... so before the official buh-bye’s here is my top ten list of...

Guess what?

Points of my Ideal BOYFRIEND:

Number 10. He’s a boy.
duh! need explain more?

Number 9. He's a gentleman.
simple: he knows his limitations.

Number 8. He's creative.
he's not obsessed with art but he knows "unique tips" to charm a lady...

Number 7. He has sense.
before any other senses, critical thinking is the most important. think of it, who would stick with mr. no-brainer?! and i like a guy who head is filled with sensible things and not games, sports and definitely not, ego. book-smart guys are okay. but street-smart ones are the most appealing...

Number 6. He has a sense of humor.
say "no" to boring people. i know i am not boring so maybe i deserve the one who can catch up to the hype.

Number 5. He’s half-Chinese, half-Japanese, and most of all half-Korean, but still Filipino.
well.. this should be Chinese or Korean at first. to fulfill my dream of a koreanovela prince... just like Prince Shin. (princess hours fan!)

Number 4. He's rich.
life is hard. love is harder.

Number 3. He got dreams...big dreams.
he has ambition for his family... our family hehe... but still he never fails to attend to his family duties. (family planning?!)

Number 2. He's bittersweet.
it doesn't mean my prospect shall undergo a taste test or something... it means he is sweet, a perfect gentleman, but not the type of person who would die if ever you had a petty fight with him.

and...

Number 1. He's a snob.
i know it's odd. but yes! "moderately" snob and boastful men have strong appeal for me. i like them to have an attitude and perhaps, make me feel secured. i like it when they tease me or insult me just for them to catch my attention. (definitely, "kilig" moment) i like men who got a stronger personality than me (which is strong already) so that i can feel secured... secured that he would be the one to defend me when in trouble and definitely not the other way around.

so boys out there, if you've got all these qualities... contact me at: haha...joke.

are you ready for this? :p

posted by anthonette || 8:08 PM

take it from the expert...

"it is when you fall that you start to climb back..." of course, how can anyone climb back if he has not fallen yet? but anyway, i realized alot these past few days... maybe i really have been lax in my studies and as consequence... here i am... at the pit, let me correct that... "bottomest" pit of my academic career. they say that i should not be super-duper grade conscious, but my conscience knew better. looking back, i realized i have been a product of studies rather than the person who produces studies... know what i mean? it means that eversince i was young, i was always confined in my studies, in pursuing for academic excellence... but where exactly would my quest end up to? i have been controlled by my studies specifically my desire to reach the top... (bop to the top!) and never did i experience the other half lives--the lives of fun,fUn,FUN youth. and in my “totally” teenage year, today, i feel like i have been missing a lot... things which were done by my fellow teens... simply, having fun...

but nevertheless, let’s go back to the quote at the top... this is my world; this is the type of world i chose to live in... and the least i could do is to preserve it. part of the "climbing back" perhaps, meant that i should work hard to strive for what i wanted but still introduce myself to the real life... a life where failure is an inevitable... a life where success is not really the highest peak... so what the heck?! If failure is the illness, best way to treat it is definitely laughter.

i know i can make it! all i need is to work hard and most of all to have fun!
aja!

posted by anthonette || 7:17 PM

Saturday, September 09, 2006

first post... finally!

posted by anthonette || 8:52 PM