Tuesday, December 25, 2007

a break is all i need

after two consecutive days of sleeping almost 5 hours during the afternoon due to an all-night date with michael scofield. finally, i am done with two great heart-pounding seasons of prison break. and i am really looking forward to the third one.

i actually heard that it was good from my cousin a year ago. and it was not my first to watch an episode. i liked it really. it was quite violent but very thrilling. and the twists were amazing! i never got bored watching it. plus, michael scofield, wentworth miller in real life, was soo damn hot! (haha i'll try to contain myself) his character is soo amazing--wit, intelligence, charm, good looks and a kind heart all in one package! haha

comparing it to one tree hill and grey's would be totally inappropriate. all three have different plots and genres, so choosing the best is as hard and unjust as breaking free from fox river. haha but if i were to rank these based on my most favortie to the least, i'd say prison break would occupy the top spot. although it is somewhat (make it very haha) violent, it has captured my full attention with the da vinci code-like fox river blueprint tattoo of scofield and his coded schemes. plus, the chase scenes were really thrilling! one comment i had though was that watching it is soo stressful! so if you're a tv addict who can endure bloody crime scenes while eating and nerve-racking chase scenes while actually trying to sleep, i recommend you watch this one.

just make sure you won't get too hooked that you actually downloaded all of miller's fan profiles on the net or took a picture of him on your tv screen.

**************************

our family had our noche buena at my cousin's due to my uncle's favor. a few days ago, he asked my mom to suggest to us that maybe we could have our christmas dinner with them, knowing that they, my cousin and uncle, would celebrate just by themselves.

before the mass, we ate a little while i sent my greetings to everyone. and i think some received my message the following day due to probably traffic (?) (great. even messages know how to build up traffic). :o)

**pictures to follow

then after the mass, we had our dinner. it was fun with all the conversation with the guests and everything. then afterwards, "the young ones" (haha) drank a little and talked too much. haha

maybe the event was not that super BIG event and it may appear just like an ordinary get-together. but the thought that we were together at Jesus Christ's birthday made it really eventful. it's just so wonderful that there's a certain time of the year when everyone gets together, prays together and reminisces together the birth of our lord.

thank god it's christmas :)

posted by anthonette || 11:30 PM

Thursday, December 20, 2007

people always leave

i had 12 minutes to cry and after that, i know it's enough.

life is all about coming and going. people will come whether you like them to or not and then they're going to leave all of a sudden or you're going to leave them. either way, you have to stand by yourself, to feel left behind and to realize this time, you have to go alone.

to kuya erik

you have been the best brother i had. it hurts me so much that you have you leave us when i actually found a friend and a brother in you. but i know i have to be happy for you. at least this time, you'd be with your family. you'll chase your own dreams and fulfill all your goals. it just saddens me that i won't be able to spend even three more years of college with you. you won't be able to see me grow, struggle and pursue my dreams. you'll have a new life now. a life where we are no longer part of. you said we'll always be part of your life. yes, i believe it so. but of course, things would be different. there are no more late-at-night moments when we tediously listen to the most tear-jerking songs by thor although we play it on day-to-day basis. there are no more coffee dates and breaks while i am studying and while you're playing silent hill in psp. there are no more okrayan moments when we used to laugh at each other's malapropisms or mispronunciations. no more baby talks and conversations in the tune of rnb songs. no more free pizza or coffee or chuckie or chocolate. no more kuya erik for me.

everyday i look forward to more bonding moments with you. and tonight, i dread the following morning when i will wake up to find that you have gone. i poured out my heart to you for couple of times. and it just kills me to see that you are going to take my heart with you. coz i can't let you go. you have been a part of my family. you understood me in my darkest times and tried to cheer me up in my sorrow. somehow you dissolved all my fears and helped me to trust again, to give "him" a chance again.

but then tonight i have to accept it. you have a life to live. it is time for you to take the journey to the fulfillment of your dreams. even if it means you are going to leave us. i just want you to know that you can always look back. all of us will be there to cheer you on.

i am happy for you. i have to.

to ate madie

i may have never told you how much i admire you so. you always have that firm will of doing things you wanted. i have always been on the sidelines watching you grow and fall and actually, i have never been more proud.

for 16 years, i felt that i was only your sister. i felt that only flesh and blood bind us. but beyond that there is no special connection at all. until this year, i somehow felt that i belonged to your world. that i actually existed and that you somehow treat me now as your friend, as someone who would not codemn you if you do stupid things nor care little for what you do. funny as it may seem, but i always save those messages you send me when you actually inform me of where you are, what you plan to do, what makes you soo happy at that instant or when you ask for my help to resolve problems with your car (haha). it really meant to me because for the first time, i felt i was more than "flesh and blood" to you. i finally felt, that i was part of your life.

but then again, you always have a plan for yourself. and in just a few months, i know you are about to say good-bye and pave your way to your dreams. just when i found a friend, i am to lose one again.

i know it's all for the best. that's what you wanted eversince and i will be really overjoyed to see you have it.

i am happy for you. i have to.

to ate shy

they say that the first-born and the youngest children in the family often get along better than the others. whether this be true or not, i know i have always been lucky to have you as my second mom.

there are countless times when i don't understand you--when you are probably suffering from pms and you take it out on me or when i refuse your invitation of going with you to a friend's house to have dinner or lunch or just to drop by and you refuse to talk to me afterwards. those times i begin to hate you most, thinking that you are being conceited and you are treating me like a shock absorber (only this time, you carry 1000 volts or so).

nevertheless, there are also countless times when you stood up for me. when you provided me with all the things i needed, when you are actually playing bridge for me and your cutie and smart officemate and when you are always calling me in the middle of my histo class just to ask me to shop or eat with you at rp manila. those days were fun. those were definitely one of the moments to keep!

but then i know that anytime now, you'll hve to say good-bye too. i know that you are reaching the age when it is right to think of having your own family. you are at the period wherein you re no longer fit for singlehood and you need to assume your right to establish your own family.

and when it becomes final, at least i have prepared myself for that time. at least i have accepted that i'll have to be alone and stop relying on you. you'd be a mom and a wife to a new family but in my heart, you'll forever stay as my second mom.

i am happy for you. i have to.

********************************

our life is ours to live. it becomes intertwined with others because it is how it's supposed to work. but like vines in the vineyard, we yearn to seek for the warmth of the sun and the moist of the earth. and in our search, we need to break free from the lives that intertwined with ours, in order to grow and bear fruits.

however in the end no matter how far we've reached, we always have to remember we just came from one seed.

somehow, the vines we have broken free from are still connected to us. and they'll forever be.

posted by anthonette || 9:48 PM

Sunday, December 16, 2007

love's still there (sequel to love came back)

i could've wished that you didn't write that 'letting go' blog. maybe if you didn't, you would not leave us. but because of it, she wanted you back. and of course, as a person in deep love, you gave in. "she was really what i wanted for the rest of my life," i remembered you told me that in one of our candlelit moments. but i ever knew that "the rest of your life" is bound to start.

i am selfish. but i still want you here with us. no one can replace you even if you try. you are the only erik in our life and we can't let you go that easily.

what about those promises? those more-partying-together, more-all-night-talk, trips around the country and maybe around the world promises? you said you will keep them but we knew better. if you leave now, you'll never be able to keep them because everything else would be different. you'd have new priorities and being with us is definitely not and it'd never be on top of your list.

i could've wished you never wrote that blog. then maybe things will just be the same.

but then i knew, you'd never be as happy as you are right now.

"ang relasyon ay nakakasira sa barkada." -kuya bvhoy

posted by anthonette || 10:52 PM

suddenly love came to me

i fell in love with home.

leaving my real home was one thing. having a new one was another.

i can't help but recall the pain, fear, confusion and sadness when i told myself, "hey college na ako. di na ako puwedeng kumupit ng tig-5 pesos sa coin purse ni mama pag kelangan ko ng load or makipag-telebabad sa kabarakda ko kahit alam kong usbok na ang eardrums nya,"

funny. but i admit it means alot to me.

which is why when you came, i never thought all that fear would subside. i never thought i'd find a "malaluan" in you.

what's there to like? i have all the reasons in this world to eject you from the house if i were big brother.

1. you don't refill the pitcher with water after you drink all of it. which is why whenever ate madie would drink and she finds out there's no water, she would scold me and accuse me of what you've done. if i claim i didn't do it, she'd say, "ako. ako pa ang niloko mo?" hello? as if i was a two-timing boyfriend. (that is if she even has one right now. hahahha **evil smile)

2. you smoke alot. and maybe if i can compare the density of smoke in taft with your lungs, yours would be like 65% taft-ish.

3. you broke my 2 favorite xmas glasses. just because you carelessly place them in our window sill. always. hello? do you spell table as W-I-N-D-O-W??

4. you always leave the bathroom lights on. even if you left home hours ago.

5. you call me pangs! for heaven's sake, do i look like a vampire to you?

6. you sing sooo loud. fine you have that rnb voice but our house is not araneta. i can't study or read or watch news with you pounding my ears.

7. you always make snide comments with my legs. you're even the pauso of that troso thing.

8. you're not pro-opposition. i am not sure if you're pro-gloria, but i think you like her.

BUT then you still gave me reasons to like you and admire you.

it was as if i had a brother after all. you were always willing to listen to me rant about things, cry over my problems, share my cam-whoriness, treat me with load, chuckie or anything from our katabing tindahan, and i know you're the only one whom i can trust would keep my secrets and i just feel so comfortable when you're around that i even do baby talk and act be retarded with you. you just give me that smirk or join me in my temporary retardation. which makes it double fun!!! i just somehow found myself in you and it felt wonderful really. it just made me forget all my anxieties and frustrations. whenever i tell stories of our "legendary housemate" to my friends, they keep on imposing that what if i fell in love with you. maybe if it doesn't creep me out i would've said yes. (but it creeps me out as in. i wanted to vomit ight then and there. :p)

you made my second home home after all.

last last night while i was busy studying for chem exam the next day, i overheard you talking to "mami j." i wanted to stop really 'coz i know it would be weird if you caught me eaves-dropping or something but i really can't help it if i heard that this year would be our last to be together. that probably next year, january or february, you are going to leave us.

it hurt.

i know you have to go because yu hav a life of your own. because you have to build your own life, start fresh and stand by yourself. it just hurts that when i learned to find someone who could bind me and my sisters more or someone who i can regard as my real-est and best-est friend, that's when you're about to leave.

i wanted you to be there when i finish college, when i make my ultimate decisio of really pursuing medicine, when i have fun with boys who are cute, or when i became hurt by one of those bastards (or when i hust them back haha). i want you to be there because you're already part of the family, even if flesh and blood binds us not.

but you won't be. not because you really choose not to, but because it's the way things are supposed to be.

even so, i still wish you the best in all that you have to do in your life. and i really hope that we'll see each other again.

love yah step-brother :o)

posted by anthonette || 4:05 PM

Friday, December 07, 2007

can i do it too?

thanks mia!

okay here's what i need to do: type in 20 things i want to say to 20 people. and just like mia's i'll keep their names in secrecy. i guess that's what makes it more interesting:)

here goes..

1. i never thought we can be this close. i'm just glad that we started to share each others' problems unlike before when you seemed to treat me just as a kid. and i am really happy when we're together with our friends except--for those hilutan sessions. haha pehaps the good thing is at least we get to bond more.

2. you're so lazy, messy and i really hate it when you smoke and when you don't return things to their proper places after using them. and yet i can't stop myself from feeling so grateful fo having a step brother (not by blood). it's just so glad that i have someone who understands and who can take part in my vanity, in my frustrations and in my blissful moments.

3. thanks for being my yaya. hehe i'd like to meet your bf ha.

.......ooh and i love your caldereta!!

4. i can't stop thinking about what you did to my mom. you selfish ...err. if it weren't for my sister i would have confronted you. but of course i realize that i am not in the position to do that. i don't want to hate but why are you giving me reasons to be hateful. in my hatred, i can do nothing but be silent and let everything be.

5. last night i dreamt that what if i'd stop chasng my dreams and come home. it was nice. but i knew there's something missing--myself. i wanted to be the best for you and i can only do that by compromising you. i miss you so much. i always long for you care and embrace and you, in general. but's let's be real. every pain that comes is all for the best :)

6. thanks for coming here. thanks for watching one more chance the second time. thanks for my cool new bag. thanks. for you are here.

7. what's there to like? it's not as if you have everything! haha ^^ i know it's a long chase. whatever the ending would be, i'm just so glad you revived the feeling i thought i lost. and even if you won't feel the same way, i'm cool with being just your friend. :)

8. when i struggle to keep you out, you always force yourself in. ugh, i still don't know if i want you out or not.

wait. is there a specific reason why you only text me during vacations?

9. never was i a fan of texting. my apologies if i don't reply to your messages.

10. i am so sorry if i have to shut the door whenever you're near. i just can't take your smell. i'm gonna die!

11. i miss everyone and somehow i feel really guilty for not doing anything to spend some time with you. but i just want you to know that i can never forget you. all of you. you were the bestest things that ever happened in my highschool life. i'll never forget the super saya moments of laughing out loud, laughing at a person (haha) and just laughing. :p i may have done some things but i am so glad you still gave me chance to still be your friend, to let myself know that you miss me and that you still cherish our friendship and best of all, i am so glad that we are proof of being "friends forever". although i am far from you guys, i want you to know i am always here, to steal your boyfriends. haha joke! i am always here. i love you, always and forever.

12. oof. if i could just stop you from bugging my sister! what's in you that makes her like you? hello, you look like a......**oops!**

13. i don't smoke and i don't look like her. all of you are just blind. :p

14. i want to be your friend but you won't let me! i am just holding on to fate that maybe someday, we'll be friends. i just loove your outlook on things. :)

15. i like you but sometimes you have this attitude problem i am just dealing with. but i know you're normally like that. anyway you're still a friend of mine. and i know i get to sount all the times you stood up for me than this simple misunderstandings.

16. you make me laugh at all the kuentos we have for each other :) at first, i never thought we'd get along. it's just so fun to spend a day with you of non-stop kuento!

17. speaking of tuut-tuut, it's nice we could be civil to each other. at least, everything's back to normal.

18. thanks for letting me into your circle. i know i'm your baby but it's so nice you treat me like an adult. :)

19. get out of that house! haha^^

20. i'lll try not to be late in your class. hihi i think i need to take a bath now.

posted by anthonette || 5:42 AM