Sunday, August 26, 2007

late night escapades :)

never in my life did i go home at ten-o-clock until now. probably the latest i had been out would be 7pm. but last friday instead of staying home, updating multiply and friendster, i went to my first sectoral meeting in immaculate conception e.rodriguez quezon city for the christ's youth in action sectoral meeting. everything was a totally different experience for me.

i was with a group of people who understands my imperfections but gives me the chance to see god's mercy. it was where i feel most accepted and that despite my two consecutive weeknights of going home late, i knew i was late for the best reasons and purposes.

it made me wonder why i never joined before.

actually it only started out of boredom, that i feel so "unneeded" since i still need to learn the ropes at school and that there were few activities to get involved in. and there he was, jethro my brother who asked nina and me to go with him to cya and try it.

after the session which oriented me to worshipping, to singing songs of god's praises and listening to wonderful life experiences of fellow cyaers, i felt so exhausted. but the thing is, my mind feels so relaxed, so rejuvenated after every session. every bit of math 17, natsci or soc sci, all my academic struggles and even other issues that have been bugging me for so long were all overthrown by how overwhelming my encounter with god is.

the more fun part is that i get to meet people who i feel so comfortable with, in sharing all my problems and all my struggles.

and on tuesday, "someone" is not happy about what is to happen.

tuesday will be my graduation day! the day that i will officially be a full-pleged cyaer. someone who will take the risks of travelling to distant places, of walking at the dark and dingy outskirts of manila to praise God, to spread the good word and most of all to reach out to the underprivileged.

and no matter how hectic my life would be, i know that it became that way for the most noble reason.

and that's all that matters to me.

i've never been happier:)

posted by anthonette || 7:30 PM

Sunday, August 05, 2007

short wavelengths with higher frequencies

it's 3:01 AM. later at 10 AM, i'm supposed to be at school half-listening to my prof mimic the sounds of dogs and cats and crying babies to reiterate how speech was developed. later on, i'll find my head on top of my desk, my things scattered and neglected, my breathing laboured and my mind wandering in another time and space, unattached from what is really happening in that former-cupboard classroom of ours.

and all that is due to my nat sci report.

never in my life did i dream of going back to the thing i hated most before--physics. never did i imagine myself dwelling on stellar evolutions, schrodinger's equations and some decomposed and decaying geniuses responsible for the discussion of inertial frame of references, quarks, wave-particle duality, hadrons, antimatter and all that is peculiar to the normal.

whether i understood it or not, i still studied for the exam. and good thing was, my attempts of "grasping the concept" is somewhat near successful.

i just wish i'll still remember them tomorrow. **fingers-crossed

so in the short time that my sisters and i decided to go home, i went for it even if my hands were quite full. when i went home, everything appeared in brighter perspective. it was as if i my worries for the next day suddenly disappeared, as if i had shunned off myself to concepts of particle accelerators and all that formulas for insanity, as if i was in the place where solitude and happiness are limitless and where problems are left outdoors. there was always something special about home. and no matter how where i go, i always long for it. and in everytime i stay, i just wish i could stay forever.

then suddenly my dream bubble pops and i found myself sliding in the car waving goodbye to my mom.

during the ride, i always find myself crying while looking out the window.

most of the time it enters my mind to transfer back at home and live with my mom. but then, i knew there are greater things in store for me here and i know my mom wishes me the best always.

but everytime i go home, i always end up wishing i could stay there.

i feel that i am really torn into shooting for the best and making the most of my life. why is it that to have what we want, we must compromise, and tell you, compromise great things?

no one can have it all. then it only implies that happiness is out of this world.

posted by anthonette || 11:51 PM

Friday, August 03, 2007

brand new days

let me tell you a story...

it was a brand new day. for the leaf, it was the greatest day it could've imagined. a new time to grow, to flourish, to make things alot greater. it can feel the warmth of the sun's welcome, nourishing it with all that she needed--the sense of becoming ang belonging.

all was calm and clear. the leaf was looking forward to what more life has to offer for it. when suddenly, the winds came. the leaf felt thrilled of discovering new things. it felt the urge of seeing beyond what the tree offers-- to see beyond the mountain top, where the tree resides in peace and mediocrity. the leaf sought to ride with the wind and see where it'd take it, thinking that maybe the ride was worth it.

never did it knew that the winds were bound to bring greater and savage storms. and the brand new day was thrown to oblivion.

if only the leaf would've lingered forever in that brand new day and decided not to take the risk of flying. perhaps at this moment, it still stayed on safe ground, well-nourished and undergoes gradual but promising growth. maybe things would've been better.

and in sad reality, the leaf sank deep into a puddle of rain, with no one not even a thing to cling onto. and probably indifference to pain is its only tool for struggle.

i hated that leaf, then if i did who else will help her?

and in the end, the leaf only waited to wither and die.

and hope for another brand new day to come, only this time, with the hope of forever erasing any memory of "that brand new day," of the wind, and even of that tree.

posted by anthonette || 6:22 PM