beyond the candy castles

Monday, September 11, 2006

farewell or not?


even i don't understand myself. it seems as if my mind has its own command and it has been very tired to listen to my heart anymore.

realizing that you were somehow within reach, i thought it would be another dreadful week of thinking of you. however, "miraculously", i never even looked forward to seeing you everyday starting today. it felt to me like you were a total stranger that i was not at all interested to know. it seemed to me that you are already a nobody; perhaps, a past i am so eager to forget and a present that has no future...with me.

everything seems to have changed. whenever i see you before, my breathing stops...my heart jumps...my mind seems to malfunction; but now, everything felt so numb...so cold...that it feels like i am very used to that occasion where i look like a fool drooling over you, filling more your already ego-filled head; and now that i am so, so used to it...i can't seem to vividly feel it anymore. or maybe, i really feel nothing at all.

maybe i am finally in the course taught by that song. maybe i am officially in the "letting go" period. maybe my grip is not as tight as it used to be. maybe i am starting to detach myself from what has been holding me back to you. maybe i am getting so tired that i'll choose to retreat. maybe it is farewell after all.

maybe...

question is: if i have really let you go, why am i still writing about you? ;c


posted by anthonette || 7:45 PM