Sunday, March 04, 2007

courage persists when fears befall.

some may have flown, galloped or climbed their way to reach their own peaks. and i was one of them. i started humbly until i enter another bigger circle. a circle where knowledge is unending and where there were no familiar walls, no beginnings, no ends.


for all my life, i have began at a place where i knew all along. my gradeschool days have not been the humble "beginnings" for me. i started knowing what lies ahead for me, behind the shadows of my sisters' pasts and the present that seems to have reevolved from these pasts. my memories of my firsts were marked by my struggle to keep my friends, to choose my friends and to have friends, in general. but everything was so easy back then. and everyday, i'd lie my back on bed and think of the happy thoughts, happy moments with my newfound friends and the increasing collection of 'very good' stamps from my angelic teachers.


but time makes life more and more complicated. highschool was not a first for me. but it was definitely a period of great transition. as the transition settles in, we begin to change and adapt. we form new beliefs, find our new and more serious identities and define our prinicples more explicitly. it was a transition where things are not as easy as collecting stamps nor chewing gums and running in circles. the joys of it were more definite, where it only relies on succeeding to fool and get through the eyes of the three-headed dog who guides our every journey and gives us the extreme headache in the image of school work. everyday, i began lying in bed evaluating how the day had been, thinking of the possible way to get past through the monster, dreaming of getting on the end of all the pain and waking up at the nightmare of being trapped, with nowhere else to go, with no one else to be with. dreams are definitely at their worst nightmare form.


and then again, i pass through a new transition. a transition where minds, choices, decisions revolt against each other. at this time, i think of not just the monster i am to face but the monster yet to face. because for every wrong move, for every wrong turn, it is a lot harder to get to the right one. there are less guides, lights and signs that would aid you to get to your destination. you only have is yourself, your eyesight, foresight and hindsight. and if one fails, any monster could just attack you and pull you down. at this point, ice creams are no longer tickets to the joys of a carnival. and even carnivals could be the sign of your demise.


but as they say, "nothing is gained if there's no hard work."


so it's all part of a phase. no matter how we worry about being pulled down, we can always rely on ourself to climb up once again. our wings would support us. our bows and arrows shall equip us to fight. our wisdom that is innate in us and our firm will shall aid us to combat everything that hinders us from reaching our own peaks. we shall persist. and in our battle, it is not only important to forsee what would happen but most importantly to look back to where we have started, to see how far we've gone through and who helped us made it through. and as i look back, i shall be counting the stamps i have collected, i shall reminisce the most wonderful moments with my friends, laugh at my victory over the three-headed dog and be more inspired with the lights of the carnival. they will move me forward. and forward. and forward. until my goals become more and more at reach.


and someday, i'll lie in bed, thinking of my past that i enjoyed most, the past-in-the-making that once haunted and troubled me and the present where i had the joys of my haunting pasts...because at that present, i claimed victory.


and perhaps, the future-to-be where i will combat in more fights, rooting for another victory.


seems like life is all about collecting stamps. very good stamps.

posted by anthonette || 10:25 PM