illusions. dreams. reverie. candy castles.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

short wavelengths with higher frequencies

it's 3:01 AM. later at 10 AM, i'm supposed to be at school half-listening to my prof mimic the sounds of dogs and cats and crying babies to reiterate how speech was developed. later on, i'll find my head on top of my desk, my things scattered and neglected, my breathing laboured and my mind wandering in another time and space, unattached from what is really happening in that former-cupboard classroom of ours.

and all that is due to my nat sci report.

never in my life did i dream of going back to the thing i hated most before--physics. never did i imagine myself dwelling on stellar evolutions, schrodinger's equations and some decomposed and decaying geniuses responsible for the discussion of inertial frame of references, quarks, wave-particle duality, hadrons, antimatter and all that is peculiar to the normal.

whether i understood it or not, i still studied for the exam. and good thing was, my attempts of "grasping the concept" is somewhat near successful.

i just wish i'll still remember them tomorrow. **fingers-crossed

so in the short time that my sisters and i decided to go home, i went for it even if my hands were quite full. when i went home, everything appeared in brighter perspective. it was as if i my worries for the next day suddenly disappeared, as if i had shunned off myself to concepts of particle accelerators and all that formulas for insanity, as if i was in the place where solitude and happiness are limitless and where problems are left outdoors. there was always something special about home. and no matter how where i go, i always long for it. and in everytime i stay, i just wish i could stay forever.

then suddenly my dream bubble pops and i found myself sliding in the car waving goodbye to my mom.

during the ride, i always find myself crying while looking out the window.

most of the time it enters my mind to transfer back at home and live with my mom. but then, i knew there are greater things in store for me here and i know my mom wishes me the best always.

but everytime i go home, i always end up wishing i could stay there.

i feel that i am really torn into shooting for the best and making the most of my life. why is it that to have what we want, we must compromise, and tell you, compromise great things?

no one can have it all. then it only implies that happiness is out of this world.

posted by anthonette || 11:51 PM