Wednesday, October 10, 2007

wasted.

the term is ambiguous for two reasons. one, what? second, why?

i got out of bed thirty minutes before my nstp class is to stat. good thing it was postponed. and i really missed the feelig of waking up when the sun is already up and kickin' :) my mind did a little recap over what has been going on lately.

last sunday i had to wake up 4am and get ready for my finals in pe at diliman. it was still dark, cold and quiet outside but my insides we're like turbines, turning and turning so rapidly relative to the rush of adrenaline in my body. diliman was really enormous and beautiful and plus, i can't hide the fact that the school grounds we're definitely conducive for learning, very much unlike ours. but then, i noticed little about it. my mind was focused on making two rounds around the sunken garden for just 35 minutes. so that i could be exempted for my written test. and guess what? i made it 36.++! a minute and few seconds discrepancy form exemption. i admit i felt really sad and disappointed. i felt so weak for not reaching it. but then, who cares? as long as i know i did my best and if it's not enough then i'll have to take in the consequences. it's my action so i just need to feel responsible for it. so tomorrow, i'll just answer a few questions, hope of passing the test and get on with my life. haha!

yesterday was a different story. i stayed up all night and studied 5 long chapters for my exam in soc (which requires memorization) and 6 o so chapters of trig for MATH17 which demands a whole lot of concentration, patience and determination because a 100% effort is just equivalent to a 3 (thank god) or point lower than 3 (please no!). bottomline, i slept at 4am and woke up at 6. so far, i already passed two exams out of 4 and i am really thankful but in order to pass and be more than thankful is to shoot for another passing score. ( i really really PRAY). my study time during the time was somehow quite satisfactory unlike the previous dep ex's. for one thing, there were less distraction from my phone or the television or everyone in the house. everyone was so sweet and considerate that they slept early for me to go solo in our dining area and study. plus, kuya erik was so kind for waiting for me to finish and for accompanying me while studying so that i won't fall asleep. my cellphone, aside from having zero load for two weeks already beeps only for updates from my blockmates. actually lately i am not fond of cellphones, i even leave it at home and act as if i don't own one, which is for the record, a nice experience for me.

now ask, why wasted?

first, wasted efforts.i was too lax thinking that i could reach the finish line before 35 minutes is up that i came late. i underestimated how time can fly so fast. oh well. i just have to deal with my test tomorrow. (pero ciempre sayang!) another thing, i worked too much for my math dep ex that most of the time while i am taking the test i feel sleepy and my mind seems to be blocked from any information that i must process.i studied too much that i did not get enough sleep to keep me up during the day which is why i can't think well. i don't know. hmm i am really work-driven and i slave-drive myself in studying so i really can't do anything about it. i just love cramming and "studyaholicking."

second, wasted feeling. exams and removals explain it all.

posted by anthonette || 5:57 AM