Thursday, December 20, 2007

people always leave

i had 12 minutes to cry and after that, i know it's enough.

life is all about coming and going. people will come whether you like them to or not and then they're going to leave all of a sudden or you're going to leave them. either way, you have to stand by yourself, to feel left behind and to realize this time, you have to go alone.

to kuya erik

you have been the best brother i had. it hurts me so much that you have you leave us when i actually found a friend and a brother in you. but i know i have to be happy for you. at least this time, you'd be with your family. you'll chase your own dreams and fulfill all your goals. it just saddens me that i won't be able to spend even three more years of college with you. you won't be able to see me grow, struggle and pursue my dreams. you'll have a new life now. a life where we are no longer part of. you said we'll always be part of your life. yes, i believe it so. but of course, things would be different. there are no more late-at-night moments when we tediously listen to the most tear-jerking songs by thor although we play it on day-to-day basis. there are no more coffee dates and breaks while i am studying and while you're playing silent hill in psp. there are no more okrayan moments when we used to laugh at each other's malapropisms or mispronunciations. no more baby talks and conversations in the tune of rnb songs. no more free pizza or coffee or chuckie or chocolate. no more kuya erik for me.

everyday i look forward to more bonding moments with you. and tonight, i dread the following morning when i will wake up to find that you have gone. i poured out my heart to you for couple of times. and it just kills me to see that you are going to take my heart with you. coz i can't let you go. you have been a part of my family. you understood me in my darkest times and tried to cheer me up in my sorrow. somehow you dissolved all my fears and helped me to trust again, to give "him" a chance again.

but then tonight i have to accept it. you have a life to live. it is time for you to take the journey to the fulfillment of your dreams. even if it means you are going to leave us. i just want you to know that you can always look back. all of us will be there to cheer you on.

i am happy for you. i have to.

to ate madie

i may have never told you how much i admire you so. you always have that firm will of doing things you wanted. i have always been on the sidelines watching you grow and fall and actually, i have never been more proud.

for 16 years, i felt that i was only your sister. i felt that only flesh and blood bind us. but beyond that there is no special connection at all. until this year, i somehow felt that i belonged to your world. that i actually existed and that you somehow treat me now as your friend, as someone who would not codemn you if you do stupid things nor care little for what you do. funny as it may seem, but i always save those messages you send me when you actually inform me of where you are, what you plan to do, what makes you soo happy at that instant or when you ask for my help to resolve problems with your car (haha). it really meant to me because for the first time, i felt i was more than "flesh and blood" to you. i finally felt, that i was part of your life.

but then again, you always have a plan for yourself. and in just a few months, i know you are about to say good-bye and pave your way to your dreams. just when i found a friend, i am to lose one again.

i know it's all for the best. that's what you wanted eversince and i will be really overjoyed to see you have it.

i am happy for you. i have to.

to ate shy

they say that the first-born and the youngest children in the family often get along better than the others. whether this be true or not, i know i have always been lucky to have you as my second mom.

there are countless times when i don't understand you--when you are probably suffering from pms and you take it out on me or when i refuse your invitation of going with you to a friend's house to have dinner or lunch or just to drop by and you refuse to talk to me afterwards. those times i begin to hate you most, thinking that you are being conceited and you are treating me like a shock absorber (only this time, you carry 1000 volts or so).

nevertheless, there are also countless times when you stood up for me. when you provided me with all the things i needed, when you are actually playing bridge for me and your cutie and smart officemate and when you are always calling me in the middle of my histo class just to ask me to shop or eat with you at rp manila. those days were fun. those were definitely one of the moments to keep!

but then i know that anytime now, you'll hve to say good-bye too. i know that you are reaching the age when it is right to think of having your own family. you are at the period wherein you re no longer fit for singlehood and you need to assume your right to establish your own family.

and when it becomes final, at least i have prepared myself for that time. at least i have accepted that i'll have to be alone and stop relying on you. you'd be a mom and a wife to a new family but in my heart, you'll forever stay as my second mom.

i am happy for you. i have to.

********************************

our life is ours to live. it becomes intertwined with others because it is how it's supposed to work. but like vines in the vineyard, we yearn to seek for the warmth of the sun and the moist of the earth. and in our search, we need to break free from the lives that intertwined with ours, in order to grow and bear fruits.

however in the end no matter how far we've reached, we always have to remember we just came from one seed.

somehow, the vines we have broken free from are still connected to us. and they'll forever be.

posted by anthonette || 9:48 PM