Sunday, December 16, 2007

suddenly love came to me

i fell in love with home.

leaving my real home was one thing. having a new one was another.

i can't help but recall the pain, fear, confusion and sadness when i told myself, "hey college na ako. di na ako puwedeng kumupit ng tig-5 pesos sa coin purse ni mama pag kelangan ko ng load or makipag-telebabad sa kabarakda ko kahit alam kong usbok na ang eardrums nya,"

funny. but i admit it means alot to me.

which is why when you came, i never thought all that fear would subside. i never thought i'd find a "malaluan" in you.

what's there to like? i have all the reasons in this world to eject you from the house if i were big brother.

1. you don't refill the pitcher with water after you drink all of it. which is why whenever ate madie would drink and she finds out there's no water, she would scold me and accuse me of what you've done. if i claim i didn't do it, she'd say, "ako. ako pa ang niloko mo?" hello? as if i was a two-timing boyfriend. (that is if she even has one right now. hahahha **evil smile)

2. you smoke alot. and maybe if i can compare the density of smoke in taft with your lungs, yours would be like 65% taft-ish.

3. you broke my 2 favorite xmas glasses. just because you carelessly place them in our window sill. always. hello? do you spell table as W-I-N-D-O-W??

4. you always leave the bathroom lights on. even if you left home hours ago.

5. you call me pangs! for heaven's sake, do i look like a vampire to you?

6. you sing sooo loud. fine you have that rnb voice but our house is not araneta. i can't study or read or watch news with you pounding my ears.

7. you always make snide comments with my legs. you're even the pauso of that troso thing.

8. you're not pro-opposition. i am not sure if you're pro-gloria, but i think you like her.

BUT then you still gave me reasons to like you and admire you.

it was as if i had a brother after all. you were always willing to listen to me rant about things, cry over my problems, share my cam-whoriness, treat me with load, chuckie or anything from our katabing tindahan, and i know you're the only one whom i can trust would keep my secrets and i just feel so comfortable when you're around that i even do baby talk and act be retarded with you. you just give me that smirk or join me in my temporary retardation. which makes it double fun!!! i just somehow found myself in you and it felt wonderful really. it just made me forget all my anxieties and frustrations. whenever i tell stories of our "legendary housemate" to my friends, they keep on imposing that what if i fell in love with you. maybe if it doesn't creep me out i would've said yes. (but it creeps me out as in. i wanted to vomit ight then and there. :p)

you made my second home home after all.

last last night while i was busy studying for chem exam the next day, i overheard you talking to "mami j." i wanted to stop really 'coz i know it would be weird if you caught me eaves-dropping or something but i really can't help it if i heard that this year would be our last to be together. that probably next year, january or february, you are going to leave us.

it hurt.

i know you have to go because yu hav a life of your own. because you have to build your own life, start fresh and stand by yourself. it just hurts that when i learned to find someone who could bind me and my sisters more or someone who i can regard as my real-est and best-est friend, that's when you're about to leave.

i wanted you to be there when i finish college, when i make my ultimate decisio of really pursuing medicine, when i have fun with boys who are cute, or when i became hurt by one of those bastards (or when i hust them back haha). i want you to be there because you're already part of the family, even if flesh and blood binds us not.

but you won't be. not because you really choose not to, but because it's the way things are supposed to be.

even so, i still wish you the best in all that you have to do in your life. and i really hope that we'll see each other again.

love yah step-brother :o)

posted by anthonette || 4:05 PM