Wednesday, January 23, 2008

i melted. i just wished it never happened.

okay i know it'd be another endless dramatic hopelessly romantic post

but please, just let me ..let it out.

or else I'm gonna burst.

**

no one can elude the cynicism of this world. people lie. to get what they want, use it fully and get rid of it once they find it tiresome. and what would be left to the one who has been trustful? nothing but the doubt of trusting again.

but who's fault is this really? is it the shrewd liar or the one fool enough to believe a lie?

"i quote in my blog a few days back, "all the defiance i mustered, went down the drain..." i told myself that i won't hope and that i shouldn't hope why would i hope for someone who has hurt me for so many times?i thought i have closed the door but when this thief came knocking, i was dumbfounded. i just let him in. he asked if he could just take me away. i should've felt fear. but i melted."

there are two options: to have faith in each other or to be cynical forever. you're not a fool if you had faith. it's just that you gave a person a chance to disprove all your reasons of distrust. it's decision of entertaining the maybe's and what if's rather than putting a period to close everything. but how long do we have to keep that faith? is it fair enough to risk our feelings for the sake of keeping that faith? and what if it ends nowhere?

"i hate it when you fill the pages of my planner and the spaces in my blog post--the same way you fill my head with thoughts of you."

maybe it'd be alot reasonable to be cynical. if you try to block the feelings and throw every ounce of hope, then you'll learn to live by yourself, without caring about anyone. maybe you'll learn to love yourself more because you trust no one but you. you could run away from any chance of being hurt and find solitude by yourself. but is that it? you'll just forever run away, forever feel nothing or be naive about everything? is that what would really make us happy?

maybe what we just wanted is security. security that we can be happy if we wait or security that we should get away because things will only hurt us. that probably is the only truth we need to know, need to be aware of so that we won't be fooled nor be doubtful.

"i was inspired but my glee soon faded. just when i thought things would be better, they turned out to be the worst. although i know i should've been thankful for your time, i still wanted to feel loved; and yet, you never made me feel that way. it was as if the weekend was just a blur of events and everything was just another lie. you are the liar. then it sank in, "no commitments." yea i was just in a blur."

we all want to be happy. happy to the extent that even if it would bring other people down or we'd be the epitome of sheer desperation, we'll still continue to do things that we know would make us happy. but how can it be if what we do is in conflict with fate? it's so ironic that the things that would make us happy would be those that would make us ache the most. where's happiness in that?

maybe it's time to stop having faith. maybe it's not faith anymore but desperation. let's all think that maybe we're putting faith on wrong things which is why we never had a happy ending. it's time to love ourself more and yet spare hope for a person, not the shrewd liar, but someone who deserves us more.

and if at the end the liar turns out to be honest. give him a chance. then dump him before he does.

:D

*almost happy*

posted by anthonette || 2:18 PM