illusions. dreams. reverie. candy castles.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

i'm supposed to wake up 2 hours from the time i posted this

let me just say a "few" hate me's for this day:

i hate myself because...

**i can't seem to retain the things i have been studying. i need FOCUS but it's gone missing. grr. i would read something then it turns out after a few minutes that i don't actually remember anything from it!

**i can't sleep. i just can't. it's as if i have an automatic clock in my head which rings an alarm for sleep at 12 noon and if i missed it, it will re-alarm at 3am. grr. which is why i end up dozing off in my classes.

**i missed a lot of cya sessions. i have been feeling all guilty and sad lately because i compromised my commitment for my desperation to work for a better grade. (only to find out that the exam would be postponed to next week) i know sorry's would be nothing compared to what i have done but i just don't know wht more can i say to show how sorry i am. i know that my own prayer time is not enough, i mean, it'd still be better to get together with the group which helped me nurture it but i ..well, i am just sorry. :(

**my things are sooooo messsy! i took them out, took them in, ran to and fro fixing my things and everytime i managed organizing them, the day after, they're all over the house, again!

**i can't stop watching palos. i know it maybe baduy to the majority. plus, the "agent missions" are so cheaply conceptualized. but i just can't stop watching it. (bec of jake! grr.) and jake reminds me of......nevermind. anywaaayyy, it takes up most of my precious time (for studying again grr.) so i should just stop.

**i am not good at chem! i thought i was a little higher than average when i was in highschool. but right now, i just cna't seem to catch up. waaaa! i don't know what to do.

**i'm still having doubts about my course, seriously. i even asked myself if this is what i really wanted for the rest of my life. and i really don't think it's a good sign. (so i should just obliterate that feeling as soon as i can.)

**i always as in ALWAYS cram! there was one night when i just ended up crying while working on our lab report because i never thought i would finish it. i don't want to cram anymore. but it seems that i am more productive when i cram. but i can't cram. it's just like a suicidal attempt.

**i recently have abdominal cramps.(and take note, i'm done with my period already) i tell you, it doesn't feel any good. it's just like having amigraine, only it's your abdominal part of the body that's bellowing for help.

**i have to go. i want to write more. but i think i need to sleep.

so bye bye!

and i hope all this hate will go away! :D

posted by anthonette || 10:24 PM