beyond the candy castles

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

in the meantime, ill try to shut up.


it was very funny! but with the play of words, was i playing with myself as well?

the day was not perfect; the weather was in revolt and the air was musty, instead of romantic. but that day, that night to be precise, was a breakthrough for me. after 17 years of existence, finally something was official. but was it really official?

even from the start, i have believed that the reason i was left behind is that i am reserving that special moment. because as it is, it is very special. but in a snap, that special thing happened. and im not quite sure if it's that special to me now.

i was thrilled, of course. the pact was reckless but nevertheless, fun and exhilarating. and i feel that the other party is feeling the same thing. i know that we are both laughing in our foolishness and cutesy-mushy endeavors. but for now. we're nowhere being serious; yet as i put it, we're trying to be.

and in just two more days, it may or may not expire. who knows what will happen to us?

but in the meantime, i'll try to shut up about it.

not that i am afraid to be discovered. but because i am afraid that if i hear some people tell me about it, or some people merely say it, it becomes true.

not that it's terrifying or shameful that i don't want it to be true. but for now, i just don't like to question myself how i got into this.

i am really not sure of what i am feeling but i don't want to lose yet.

and to you reader, if you don't get this post, don't try to think about it. i just want to be in the dark right now.

someday ill tell you. :)


posted by anthonette || 12:23 AM