beyond the candy castles

Thursday, January 08, 2009

laugh. but seriously i have ISSUES


i want to pretend that i am still alright, that i can survive this. i have had four almost ten formative years in the past, four more would make little difference. i want to believe that i can prove i deserve to be here, that i can finish and make my dreams come true, wihtout losing myself in disappointment with all the failures i have been making.

i want to believe in myself but reality is, i cannot get everything that i want.

i feel tired. some would say im being a fool, to grade-conscious. but isn't that the reason why i'm even studying? to worry about my grade. to worry about my future.

why does it feel that though i want to persevere, to be the best that i can be, i cannot avoid but do the wrong things. and though i try to tell myself, everything is just a phase, why does it seem that everything i do is wrong.

do i just have bad fate or im not just meant to be here?

i want to believe in myself. i want to persevere to survive this. i want to hold on. to never give up.

but why recent events just make me think that it's not meant for me after all?


posted by anthonette || 5:21 PM