Wednesday, March 25, 2009

i have come to realize that...

*grabbed from kat gozos and kurt lozano

I have come to realize that my heart... beats only for myself.

I have come to realize that when I talk... i SHOULD make people listen.

I have come to realize that, if I fall for someone... i fall hard.

I have come to realize that, I need... set my priorities straight.

I have come to realize that, I lost... trust in love. (wtf.)

I have come to realize that, I hate it when... people underestimate what i can do.

I have come to realize that, if I'm drunk... 1. i drink more, 2. i vomit. (my apologies) 3. there's a reason for being so.

I have come to realize that, marriage... is more than just "i do's" but "i forever will."

I have come to realize that, work... somehow defines your purpose.

I have come to realize that, I will always be... sleepy (?) hahaha

I have come to realize that, I like... it when i accomplish a task close to my passion.

I have come to realize that, the last time I cried was... last sunday.

I have come to realize that, my cell phone is... an alarm clock.

I have come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning... i have the worst hair ever.

I have come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night... i pray. even the simplest and shortest of all prayers.

I have come to realize that, right now I am thinking about... how to focus, how to maintain being outgoing, how to balance socializing with my studies and most of all, how to avoid facebook and multiply. :)

I have come to realize that, babies... are adorable. :D

I have come to realize that, when I get on Facebook...i can't get out.

I have come to realize that, today... is no more than ordinary.

I have come to realize that, tonight I will... UNWIND. and i believe i deserve to.

I have come to realize that, tomorrow I will... try to focus again on studying.

I have come to realize that, I really want to... be a lawyer.

I have come to realize that, working out... is what i seldom do. (kaya im fat)

I have come to realize that the perfect date would be... a dvd marathon plus popcorn and coke with him.:)

I have come to realize that, true friends... are true to themselves and true to you.

I have come to realize that love... is real when it's painful.

posted by anthonette || 12:30 AM

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

wish tambay's get to be paid

have fever. my temp was 39 a while ago, good thing it dropped to like 37.6 at the moment.
i missed my orgchem lab makeup class because i felt terrible. though this morning i even managed to disobey my sister and still went to courtzone at u.n. for our cheerdance finals.

ironic, we hated that course, yet we won!
before that actually we (most of my teammates and i) were even planning to drop the subject. if it weren't for our other teammates who were positive at making it through and for missing the date of dropping, we would've done it. but anyway, it was successful and fun and surprising!! :))

does it mean that i should go on, because actually there's something good waiting for me at the end?


but for now, survey time first. i desperately need some diversion after being supersaturated with orgchem. argh.
(got this from thea, pharm)

So, why aren't you in love with your ex anymore?
- dude, i don't even have one! (official one hehehe)

When was the last time you had butterflies?
- surprisingly, only this morning. while we were positioned for our cheer dance presentation. hahaha ang funny!

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
- if by plans you meant acad plans or study plans, man! sobrang dami. kakabore na.

What do you currently hear right now?
- revv of our wall fan sa room. can't turn on the acu kasi i feel cold.

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
- kanina din after they watched our presentation. i kinda missed it! kasi two weeks ago, we never hung out that much unlike before and now that things are somehow back to normal, it is just relieving that there's no gap formed between. parang we missed each other pa nga talaga ng sobra kaya we had lots of kuwento with each other :)

Where will you be in an hour?
- dining table. studying the impossible orgchem notes.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
- rose bautista. she called me if i am still going.

Do you miss anyone?
- ALOT of people. but i already told one--him i miss him. hahah tapos he answered back saying na he'll go hang out with me soon. (supposedly tomorrow but thanks to my ORGCHEM lab, they'd rather not go na lang kasi they really want to hang out than just exchange hi's.) sayang nga naman kasi if they came all the way from diliman then wala lang diba. <3

Did you ever see the movie Pearl Harbor?
- OF COURSE! i have dvd pa! original :D

Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
- cab driver? :))

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
- end of sem. summer. summer invitations :D more free time = MORE INOM :))

Are you wearing jeans right now?
- shorts! jeans are like JAIL for me and my troso legs :))

What's something you do when you're mad?
- first ten seconds, i try to keep quiet. my lips purse and my external nares (eff. bio?? HAHAHAHA) dilate :)) then pag nasagad na, i explode. i curse, most likely.
pero after non, wala namang aftershock, more like values and integration in my most preachy kind of voice. haha (parang minister lang e)
i dont get mad for the pinakamababaw reasons. pero kasi time is important to me. pag may mga ginagawa na nagsasayang lang ng oras, i get mad. kasi alam mo un, i could've done alot more things than waste my time with a bunch of tamad or reklamador people.

example of alot more things = SLEEP. :))

Did the person who hurt you the most apologize?
- No. don't think so. he won't let his ego be bruised.

Are you happy?
- to say absolutely would be preposterous. but to say yes, well i guess i think i have the right to be.

i am not totally happy. but im trying and i guess i am kahit papano happy pa rin. (labo no??)

What is the most random object around you?
- my highlighter sa sock bag ko. hekhek

Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day?
- not actually drink, eat na lang. hehe ==> halo halo from razon's or ice cream. ice cream!

Where is the next far off place you will travel?
- ewan ko. ayoko kasi ng nagpplan ng mga vacation na sobrang ahead of time kasi kadalasan un ung di natutuloy :))

Who was the last person or people you ate with?
- nina and loren :) love.

What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
- water! hehe kakainom ko lang ng gamot e.

What's a happy time you've had in the past week?
- friday. election day. it was the day i felt more loved not only by people who supported but best of all by him :)
success kasi, kasi alam mo un he helped escape from the confines of college politics. and parang i felt na i was back to being a normal person, free of pressure but very enthusiastic of what i could contribute next :)

Do you like meeting new people?
- hell yea!
"New friends are social investments. Darating ang araw kakailanganin mo ang tulong nila." (Caguitla, 2009)

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
- sana wag ako mabinat sa cheer dance.

How's your heart lately?
- it's beating. and hoping that THIS TIME, it's gonna beat for the right reasons and the right person.

How do you feel about school?
- i tell most people, "sana pag gising ko iba na ang course ko. ok lang kung Arts pa siya ang importante ung nag-eexcel talaga ako." is it wrong to ask for something else?

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
- ADMU <3. PE shirt ni ate madie dati. malaki e.

Someone on your mind right now?
- hehe <3 secret.

i have learned of perfect timing. we're not into something serious right now. we dont send each other messages often (whether it be sms or chat). we barely see each other in a week. but when we contact each other, we make the most sincere gestures. he does, actually. and nahahawa tuloy ako. and it just feels good to hope na sana this time, this person won't hurt me anymore. the feeling of security not by defense or whatever but by sincerity.

When was the last time you cried?
- last night when my temperature was 39C. hay jusko.

What was the last movie or show you watched?
- dvd. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. it deserves the Oscars it won.

What's bothering you?
- my future. always had been.

Has today been a good day?
- rate na lang. another 7. more than okay but not nearly perfect.

Will this weekend be good?
- saturday, ciempre hindi kasi exam day na naman. that leaves sunday--> sana?

What are your plans?
- for the weekend? wala naman. MAKATULOG sana!

Would you rather be mad or sad?
- mad. kasi di ko kaya magtanim ng galit. e pag nagtanim ka ng sad, sad din ang fruits mo. so pangit lang.

When's your birthday?
- ehem! makinig. haha 25th of july.

Have you ever woken up next to someone and were freaked out?
- ate ko. kasi paggising ko ung itsura ng ate ko mukhang bangag. and ang funny funny mukha siyang mumu. hahah

Are you looking forward to anything?
- to summer. to rest. to INOM.

How many times do you talk on the phone a day on average?
- when i was in lipa, hay countless!
pero now that we dont have landline at our unit, less phone calls na. but usually, if i wanted sooner replies, i call people up than waste my tiem texting them. namppressure kasi ako :))

Do you usually have weird dreams?
- yes. from the freakiest to the wackiest.

Do you like your bed?
- i like my favorite pillow! :D

What color is your keyboard?
- silver. kapartner nya ung pink casing.

Who are you very disappointed in right now?
- can't tell. that person is so sensitive. parang bata. kaya kakadisappoint.

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
- yup. felt better than wearing mine! hhahah

How long does it take you to shower?
- tagal. shortest na ang 20min. :))

Is the last person you hugged older than you?
- same age. <3

Last night, did you fall asleep smiling?
- i fell asleep. with my mouth open. :0

Have you lived in a big city?
- if by big you meant big buildings, hello makati. pero if by big you meant very progressive, city from first world country, then no. :)

Does your family own a business?
- yep. mejo dami.

Is a best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend or ex pissing you off at the moment?
- if there's another thing i have learned, that is why get affected?

Do you think someone has feelings for you?
- hahahaha chismis!! sino naman?

Where did you last fall asleep other than your bed?
- couch. my couch. di bed haha

Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
- oh yes! super super duper.

end.

posted by anthonette || 5:01 PM

wish tambay's get to be paid

have fever. my temp was 39 a while ago, good thing it dropped to like 37.6 at the moment.
i missed my orgchem lab makeup class because i felt terrible. though this morning i even managed to disobey my sister and still went to courtzone at u.n. for our cheerdance finals.

ironic, we hated that course, yet we won!
before that actually we (most of my teammates and i) were even planning to drop the subject. if it weren't for our other teammates who were positive at making it through and for missing the date of dropping, we would've done it. but anyway, it was successful and fun and surprising!! :))

does it mean that i should go on, because actually there's something good waiting for me at the end?


but for now, survey time first. i desperately need some diversion after being supersaturated with orgchem. argh.
(got this from thea, pharm)

posted by anthonette || 4:56 PM

Saturday, March 07, 2009

okay lang, honestly. :)

we lost.

pero okay lang. weird talaga kasi thursday night when i prayed before sleeping, sabi ko kay lord,
"Lord kung di mananalo si Jow, sana po (yuck ang weird) matalo na lang ako."

e masyadong masunurin si lord e. :))

but the thing is,
during the campaign i knew who my real friends are. friends na hindi hahayaang maging awkward ang lahat ng bagay dahil lang from different parties kami, friends na nagbibigay ng bagong chances and opportunities sa iba, at enemies na ubod ng arte (uyy may bago na akong frenemy =)) secret kung sino. basta I HATE IT) hehehe,

and best of all, friday night :) was somehow one of the best nights i had :D



okay lang that we lost. we still have Sibol e :D


that's life,
you LOSE some. you WIN SOMEONE. :-x



hahahahha :D

posted by anthonette || 4:46 AM

Thursday, March 05, 2009

hindi ito huling habilin

Okay don't panic. this is not a premonition. di pa ako mamamatay kasi masamang damo ako.
hehe :)

the past two weeks had been a blur.
all kinds of emotions were felt--there were days so irritating, so tiring, depressing, confusing, funny, sabaw-ish, exploding, frustrating, eye-opening, satisfying, gratifying, constipating (whaaaat?)

but this night. as the eve of judgment day approaches all i feel is nothing but gratitude.

sobrang nagpapasalamat ako sa lahat ng mga taong nakasama ko, bago man o luma. at sa lahat ng taong nakatrabaho (nyark artista?) at naka-share ng roller coaster event ngayon.

first, JOW POBLETE. got lots of things to thank for to this guy. :) you know how i doubted myself and my capabilities but you were there to make me feel that i am worthwhile. i was really moved kanina when you told us that lahat kami, in your slate were carefully chosen. and you chose us kasi you believed in us. i admire you jow. kasi despite the toxicity and init of going from lara to faura, you never failed to reach out. thank you for making an effort to prove that faura and lara isn't as far as it seems. thank you kasi you touched us. and it made us alive. it made us respond. it made us feel welcome.
to add, thank you jow kasi you didn't leave us hanging. kahit wala kang two front teeth and kahit bloodshot ang almost 3/4 of your eyes, you were there to be with us, to present us with pride and with hope na you could help us to be heard. thank you jow for honing our potentials, thank you letting us take this big leap, thank you for making us feel we belong.

second, TISH, LOREN, NINA, MOCHA and MAI. thank you guys. wala lang kahit nakakainggit at nakakabitin that i cut even our food trip, pinag-cut and make nyo pa rin ako ng PHISH stickers :) wala lang. thank you lalo na kay tish, sa load, sa pressure, sa pagcarry ng pagsusungit ko pag stressed and best of all sa pag-understand pag mejo sabaw na ako magreport or pag di ko pa tapos ang report kahit 2 hours away na lang. thanks guys fo rbeing there.

third, sa SIBOL-PH. i made friends. and for that i am very thankful. lahat tayo nagshare ng insights about things, nagshare ng pain, ng pressure, ng di pagtulog (hehe). i feel so proud kasi though we are new, though napataas natin ang mga kilay nila, we proved to them that we are worth listening to, young as we are, new to their eyes as we seem.
and thing is, being part of Sibol opened alot of doors for me. sa sobrang bilis nga magopen, nakakagulat na. thank you kasi i met a lot of inspiring and marvelous people (hello renzo guinto and bryan lim :D) through it. it became my stepping stone to brighter and bigger dreams and it challenged me to train myself to be a better person. :)

(okay for the next few parts ill make it short na lang, have pi pa. argh)

kay ATE MITA, for staying late at night, for printing shirts, for directing us lalo na nung wala si jow. for being the sec that she is and for being more! for being an ate, a confidante, an instant mom (hehe), and for being a friend. :) thanks sa pagbblog, sa pagddefend, sa pag-eencourage, sa pag-mmentor, sa pag-ccritic, sa pagccoach, in short sa lahat :D

kay ATE IRIS, and friends (hehe) kasi she shared her lovelife, her kilig moments, her org and her passion and pursuits. i am really looking forward to knowing you more (and ate camille--> haha CHEESEBURGER.benta major.) kasi wala lang it had been really fun being with you. thanks ate for opening up. and sana makasama ko kayo soon :) thank you ate iris kasi sinama mo ako sa bigkis. :) sana manalo ka for cph rep, ang daming kalaban e. =))

kay LORRA SAYSON, MS. JAN BAYBAY, MS. JUVY MACAPAGAL, for being jow's friends (and as for lorra, my friend). we admit that we are new to these things but you helped us wholeheartedly to get through everything. the qualities what we have right now, we owe them to you and your willingness to help us. thank you po.

kay MILA GULFAN, CHI CHI ILAYA, ANRIZ CARLOS, AYA AGONCILLO, KENNETH ONG, ANGEL ANG, at sa LAHAT NG KABATCH na ng nagsuot ng yellow hehe, in those two weeks, masaya ako kasi walang awkwardness. lahat steady lang :) nakakaaliw kasi i felt that we respected each other. pag campaign, we campaign, we do our best. pag nasa class (nat sci 8 or chem lab or bio lab), chikahan time :D hehe

(wait parang sabi ko shorter a)

kay DAVE TORIO, i may have told you a thousand times how i thank you so but still, thank you. alam mo na kung bakit dave :D

kay DOLLY na aking buddy. siguro you got shocked when i ranted one time sa text. pero i just want you to feel that you can always approach me. im just happy na napakasweet and bait bait ng buddy ko :D

sa SIBS ESP NADZ AND ARJ AND CHI AND MIA, dahil kahit namiss ko ang "debut of the year", ang surprise bday ni arjae, at ang chika about kay amanpulo, they still understood. thanks din to mia kasi when i was to explode, she was there to pacify me. you know me so well mia and im so glad yo said all thos things. tama ka, i would have regretted it kung di ko to tinuloy. kasi kahit matalo man, i learned alot at feeling ko winner pa rin :D

sa PE-MATES, for understanding why lately we have been late or absent. promise we'll make it up to you. tska gagalingan talaga namin i assure you:D

kay TRISTAN MUNAR for the tarp services. salamat ha kahit rush. **For discounted Tarp and Poster Printing Services, contact me or him.

sa BIO (joyce, pj, laurie, and friends) kahit di kayo boboto, thanks :))

kay DREI ALFONSO of DSS for being my dss campaign manager, kahit again di naman kayo boboto :))

kina RICHIE, CHARMAGNE, DARRYL, MARK and some dent people for the go!-go! 's :D (kahit again di naman kayo boboto =)) )

kay KARA at pharm people, kahit again di kayo ph, di kayo boboto :))

(okay this time nasasabaw na ako sa antok :D)

and thanks to my sisters of course, for the funding (kahit kapalit non e pag-aaccount ko next week sa sales ng Sam's), pagluto ng dinner and breakfast kahit di naman talaga ako nakakakain. hehe, and sa pag-encourage sakin, matulog. :)) dahil mukha na daw ako zombie.

thanks to my mom and papa, ciempre. wala lang sa kanila galing ang writing and speaking skills ko e. so ayun. (sabaw na)

and to all the new people i met, you may not know how great the ratio you have inspired. and it's more than enough. i am really honored to see, know and listen to you. :)

to all who asked questions. questions are good. :) you helped us think so that we could improve! :D

and best of all to God. a month ago, i felt....BORED. wala lang. masama pala ung feeling na walang purpose. na peteks lang. na konting participation lang tapos books na or barkada na. a month ago, i was in darkness, i focused on the wrong things and felt depressed with the wrong people. but then this time, i got distracted...in a better way. :D i thank God kasi he gave me a chance, to make myself feel important by being busy or by being of service to others. thanks lord. kasi you gave me courage, confidence and best of all, a chance to do what i have always been doing and what i have always been passionate about. :)





tomorrow, the people shall choose. and i stay true to what i said a while ago.

"our basis to choose should not consider WHO stood out or WHO is the best. the future of our college or university is a matter of substance and not personality. what we should rely on when we choose is WHAT would be appropriate and WHAT would make us rise to better horizons."

let us not deprive ourselves of our right for change and development.

pagdating natin sa mga ballots, lahat tayo pantay-pantay. walang freshie, sophie, junior, senior, shiftee or irreg. lahat tayo mga estudyanteng umaasa na kung di man magkakaroon ng malaking pagbabago, may maggagabay sa atin para magbago. tayo pa rin ang leaders ng buhay natin. kung kaya't kung may nais tayong makamit, kumilos tayo. at kumilos tayong kasama ang mga taong papalakasin ang ating loob, gagabayan tayo at higit sa lahat, pagsisilbihan tayo nang walang pag-iimbot.

remember may purpose kung bakit "student council" kasi students always come first.

(wala lang masaya lang ako kasi may political party na member na ako. hehe)
tulog muna. PI later :D (hay nako. major? heheheh)

posted by anthonette || 5:03 PM

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

because sincerity is more than just defense

thing is, WE ARE ALL MONSTERS.

driven by the power to prove we are somebody or that we have something better to offer, we speak as if we humble ourselves, to the point that we do it only to seek sympathy.

people, we can do better than this.

i am speaking not because i am running. i am speaking because this has been what's on my mind AS AN ORDINARY INDIVIDUAL. i am speaking as Anthonette Malaluan, the ordinary PH student i have always been.

sa mga bagong pangyayari sa buhay ko, masaya ako kahit minsan masakit. kasi alam ko na sa lahat ng ginawa ko, sinagad ko ang kakayahan ko. nakita ko ang Nhet na dating ganito laging -- maximized ang potential. but sometimes, ang hirap pala sa kalooban na may mga taong mamimisconstrue ang kakayahan ko for being far-fetched or fabricated. kung ginalingan ko man dahil ginawa ko yun ng buong puso dahil naniniwala ako na may magagawa ako pag nagsalita ako.

sinasabi ko ito hindi dahil kailangan ko ng awa pero dahil naniniwala ako na maraming katulad ko sa PH, magaling ngunit hindi nabibigyan ng pagkakataon para ipakita yon. in two years na nakasama ko ang batchmates ko, ang dami kong nakilalang MAS MAGALING pa sa akin. but the thing is, sa Faura lang sila nakapako. isipin na nilang, nagpapa-special sila kaya hindi sila nagkakaroon ng part sa college activities, pero yun yon e, SPECIAL sila. konting kulbit lang and encouragement and i believe that is what they need.

pero yun pala un, pag ginalingan mo, people would think that you are just making it up. na you are just a person of words and that you cannot be of substance.

PREJUDICED nga ang tao. how can you say so when you don't even know the person?

How can you say when you haven't even tried him or her?

We were good speakers because we did it from the heart.

ako ginawa ko yun kasi alam ko un ang kailangan ko as an ORDINARY PH Student. at lahat naman siguro tayo, nagPHILO kaya alam natin na hindi puwedeng i-asa na lamang sa hasty conclusions and future ng ating college.

MASAYA ako that there are people who appreciated what i did. kasi ito ako na hindi nakikita ng lahat. :) let's be honest. ang sarap ng feeling na sinabihan ka ng mga tao that "you are good", na "good job" kasi ibig sabihin the things that you did FROM THE HEART are the same things that TOUCHED THEIR HEARTS.

may purpose ang isang tao kung bakit niya ginagalingan. IT IS NOT ABOUT WINNING OR BEING APPROPRIATE ANYMORE e. it is about being appreciated for your genuine and genius work :D. na with your work, people started to believe na you can make a difference.
na with your work, you find your purpose.

kung may natutunan man ako after all this, un ay kung gusto mong magkaboses sa konseho, SUMIGAW KA. kasi thing is, pagdating mo sa election, pantay pantay lahat ng tao na boboto at pantay-pantay na mayroon tayong gustong mangyari sa kinabukasan natin. sa ating PAGSIGAW, mapapansin ka nila kasi sa dinami-rami ng tao, nagkaroon ka ng LAKAS NG LOOB to speak for yourself kahit pa nasa gitna ka ng crowd ng kalaban. :)

AT KUNG TIRAHIN KA MAN NILA, AT LEAST ISIPIN MO NA LANG NA KAYA KA NILA TINITIRA AY DAHIL YOU MADE AN IMPACT.

congrats! :)
kasi matupad man o hindi ang isinigaw mo, they'll always remember you as
"Ang Batang Sumigaw" :D
and for that, you stood out. :)


bilang isang normal na tao, sana wag na natin isipin WHO is the more appropriate, WHO would rise, sana mas maisip natin

WHAT would be more appropriate FOR THE COLLEGE.
WHAT would make THE COLLEGE rise.

Lahat tayo magaling.
At siguro dapat maging PROUD tayo na magagaling tayo sa CPH.

in just a few more days, malalaman na natin who will hold position in the college and in the whole university. sa totoo lang ngayon, hindi ko na iniisip yung pagkapanalo o pagkatalo kasi masaya ako na tinulungan ako ni Jow Poblete para makilala ng mga tao at makakilala ng marvelous na tao, para mai-share sa kanila kung sino ako at para maipakita na hindi basta-basta lang ang CPH.

nung meeting de avance, narinig ko numerous times ang katagang "ang PH ay maliit na college" gusto ko sana mag-NO. kasi alam kong maraming holistic sa PH. kasi kung maliit kami, wala kaming sariling building ngayon. kasi alam kong kahit saan mo kami dalhin, may funds man o wala, kaya naming dumiskarte.

at hindi ako papayag na mamaliitin lang nila ang College na kinabibilangan ko ngayon.


Ah. basta ngayon masaya ako kasi napatunayan kong active pa rin ang Nhet na outgoing. :D
and one day, i will use my voice again to be heard.

MABIBINGI SILA with what i am to say.

Someday. Someday. Soon.

:D

posted by anthonette || 10:18 PM

Sunday, February 22, 2009

finally.

it's the last week of the month--the ending of a month's plot and the beginning of a new chapter.

for the past weeks, i have been trapped in the cloud of confusion. the events were all going too fast! and from a simple student who wishes of nothing else but be--simple, i realized that there is more i could give to the world than just staying simple. however, though the desire for growth, change and maturity somehow manages to forge through thickets of self-doubt, i cannot help but find myself sometimes stuck questioning my capability and my readiness to the risk i am to take. this even led me to consider bailing out despite letting people, who believe in me, down.

i may want a simpler life. but to disappoint people, though it's the easiest way out, would be death for me. and then it struck me, the only assurance that i or anyone else have made a difference in the world is when we have done something that made the world leap in surprise!

how would i urge them to leap, if all i would do is just stand?

and so this week, i end my contemplations..

i am anthonette malaluan of BS Public Health Batch 2007-2011, running for VP Externals.

and i will prove that there is more to me, my batch and my college than what meets the eye.
we will leap and the world shall follow.

posted by anthonette || 4:24 AM

Thursday, February 19, 2009

mahirap kalabanin ang antok.

the week's not yet over, but it feels like a month already.

nung december, nag-one year old na ang phone ko. alam ko un. nagcelebrate pa nga ako e.pero ngayon di ko na macecelebrate un ever. first thanks to my brain na ewan ko ba kung bakit seriously inflicted with memory gap even at a young age and second, kasi ang phone-slash-organizer-slash-alarm clock-slash landline ko ay nareformat.

yes. REFORMAT. zero. wala.

kasalanan ng security code. dahil sa pagiging paranoid ko, aun di na nagopen ang phone ko ever. (and so i leave you a tip, wag na kayo magsecurity code!)

pero di pa natapos ang kalbaryo ko sa aking phone.
after mareformat, aun di na rin nagopen ang memcard.

odiba, yay happy.





on a lighter note naisip ko, maybe there's a purpose why my phone's memory was washed out. maybe there are people of my past who once became special, no longer exist in my list now. and yet, there will be who'll still choose to stay and be part of what i have now.

si lord na ang nagsabi na i should forget and move on.

posted by anthonette || 12:33 AM

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

i just NEED to let it off my chest. TOTALLY

honestly. i don't know where to start.

ewan ko ba. pero simpleng tao lang ako. when i first stepped into college i never pictured myself aiming higher than makapass (or kahit above average) sa acads or magparticipate sa whatever org. yun lang. simpleng tao lang ako. masaya na ako to socialize and feel useful to anyone. i never thought of doing something greater than that.

but in the recent turn of events, parang nabibigla na lang ako with the gigantic leaps i am to take. i don't really understand. first, i want it rin naman. i never wanted the title, really but the job, the purpose, the catch na "externals", that's what got me into this. gusto ko lang talaga to open myself up to greater possibilities. possibilities na kahit sa ibang mundo ko pa siya maranasan, i would still be close to where i am at right now. to the people where i belong. i want to do the job, really. to organize events that i surely won't do na by the time that i leave college. i want to speak in front of a crowd and make them listen. i want to meet different people. know them. know their stories. and even share my stories to them. alam mo yun, in the first place, i never wanted to be given any title. i just want to know people and find out how i can touch their lives or somehow help them be..happy. gets?

alam ko some people would say i am being "politician"-ish, pero the thing is, wala akong gusto but to serve, to serve na hindi ko kelangan magpretend that i know everything or that i am good at everything. gusto ko parang kabarkada lang lahat. the feeling that i dont have to impress anyone pero i get to do wonderful things for them. the feeling na i could help.

the problem is, di nila ako masyado kilala. and un na nga un e. how many more of us, like me, ang hindi nila kilala na actually willing to push themselves to help?

honestly, di ko nga naisip ito as stepping stone to med e. i didn't really want to plan my career to use it for med life! pero things happen.

thankful naman ako to those who believe na i could do this. to those na willing ako tulungan no matter what. to those na kahit paulit-ulit na ako and feeling ko sirang plaka na ako, go pa rin and they listen. to those na kahit sure na sila e sige pa rin ang encourage sakin. and to those na nagsabi na no matter what they'll always be here.

pero i was thinking din, kung simple lang talaga ang gusto ko, why am i letting this bother me bigtime?

siguro nga. i wanted that job rin talaga. pero i am still apathetic of the title, really. siguro nga concerned talaga ako na with this gigantic leap, i can make myself be heard. na may isang nhet na kaya naman kahit from scratch siya.

and i was thinking rin, if matalo man talaga ako, of course it'll hurt like hell. pero at least in the process diba i'd get to see who my true frinds really are and how willing are they to go with me through this risk. siguro matagal before i accept it. pero alam ko darating ang time that i would get better things. better openings. better possibilities.

hay. i don't know anymore!

posted by anthonette || 6:10 PM

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

kung nagsasalita lang si peanut

Dear Mama,

Ang sama mo.

Doon ako naghihintay gabi-gabi, umaasa na sa pagbukas ng pinto makikita kita na buong pagmamahal na aakayin ako upang ipadama sa akin ang sarap ng may nagmamahal. Lagi lang ako nandoon, ma, naghihintay at laging nag-aabang na baka sakali o kahit panandalian lang, babalik ka para sa amin, kasi kami ang iyong pamilya at tanging kami lang ang nandito para sa'yo, ano pa man ang iyong pagkakamali at pagkukulang.

Alam ko naman na sa araw na lumabas ka ng pinto bitbit ang iyong mga gamit, punung-puno ng kaba na may halong pagkasabik, alam ko ma, na aalis ka at iiwan kami. Alam ko naman yun, na darating ang panahon at gugustuhin mo rin lumagay sa tahimik, kasama ang isang pamilyang ikaw ang nagbuo at magbibigay-ilaw. Alam ko naman na di habambuhay kahit gustuhin ko man, na nandito ka sa tabi namin. Alam ko na aalis at aalis ka, kahit pa hindi ko naiintindihan kung bakit.

Alam ko naman at kahit papaano pinipilit kong intindihin.

Pero hindi ko lang matanggap na hayaan kang umalis na alam kong masama rin naman ang iyong pupuntahan, ma. Hindi ko naman ibig husgahan siya pero sana man lang mapatunayan niya sa'yo na sulit ang pag-iwan mo sa amin. Sana lang ma, maisip niya kung gaano ka namin kamahal na ayaw naming masaktan ka at mapanindigan niya na aalagaan ka niya di man tulad ngunit halos kawangis ng pag-aarugang ibinigay namin sayo.

Pero bakit ganon? Ni anino niya hindi ko nakikita. Posible pa kayang dumating ang panahon na mapaninindigan ka niya?

Sabi nila ako daw ay bunga ng pagkasuklam at pagkawala ng iyong pag-asa sa kanya. Sabi nila na dahil sa matinding paghihinagpis mo, kinuha mo ako upang pag-alayan ng pagmamahal na binalewala lang niya. Masaya ako. Kasi kahit pa ganoon, kahit pa kinupkop mo lang ako upang may mapagkaabalahan kaysa umiyak, kahit papaano'y hindi nawala sa iyong puso ang mabuti mong hangarin at ang katangi-tangi mong kakayahan upang magmahal.

Pero dahil lang ba bumalik na ang buwaya, iiwan mo na rin ako upang kalimutan ang pangako mo sa iyong sarili?

Pangakong hindi ka na sasama sa may sinamahan nang iba?

Ma, ang sama mo.

Alam ko naman na darating ang panahon na aalis ka na. Na iiwan mo na kami. Na gagawa ka ng sariling pangarap. Sariling pagsisikap.

Pero sa tingin mo ba kaya kong maatim na iwan ka sa isang taong nangiwan na rin sa iba?

Basta kahit anong mangyari nandoon pa rin ako. Naghihintay. Sa may pinto. Para sa pagdating mo.

-Peanut

posted by anthonette || 6:32 PM

Saturday, January 31, 2009

dude. i understand. but please. let me rant.

NO.

they say to say no is the hardest thing to do. and if by any chance one manages to, well congrats. you are one of the privileged to have the greatest willpower.

we say no for good reasons, for our betterment and for our self fulfillment. but sometimes, it is just fucking irritating when you are told no when you were told yes weeks ago.

look.i understand. promise. i am in the same position as yours. but please understand if i just want to rant. im a person trapped in this system--my body and if i dont let the inconsistencies and frustrations and grievances out, i will burst.

and my god, i can think of more situations where my body would be so useful than just let it explode like that.

the thing is, only few are privileged to have that alchemy night. for free. with free transpo, free drinks (most likely kasi someone pledged to sponsor) and free entrance and best of all, free boarding and lodging and breakfast and lunch (prolly) in our house in the morning. all you have to do is dress up and go. ta-da! you are now in tra-la-la land :D

and i know that you have tons to do. tons to think of. tons to contemplate on. but i reserved you two weeks ago. i begged for your time. asked you to call it off and spend time with me, to alchemy and dance the night away. but best of all, experience a surprise i prepared that will turn every person in alchemy into putty with envy.

unfortunately, the "babawi thing" is not really a good wager for the inis i am totally feeling right now. (damn it kung sa embassy pa pala ako nagpareserve edi napahiya lang ako)

look. i understand i just feel so bad and frustrated that all i did and all i planned for two weeks ago was well.. turned into pop! air.

tapos thing is, di ko na nagawa ung surprise.

i mean i can't go and party kung wala naman talaga ung reason nun for the party diba?

hayy sayang naman talaga. ciempre nahihiya din ako for the people i bothered just to help me with the surprise.

too bad na lang nhet.

sorry guys if you are to read this. i mean i understood you naman kaya i didn't text na lang. i just want to let my frustrations out.

siguro mejo pass na muna ako sa paginvite sa inyo. matatagalan na rin lang siguro.

posted by anthonette || 6:01 PM

dude. i understand. but please. let me rant.

NO.

they say to say no is the hardest thing to do. and if by any chance one manages to, well congrats. you are one of the privileged to have the greatest willpower.

we say no for good reasons, for our betterment and for our self fulfillment. but sometimes, it is just fucking irritating when you are told no when you were told yes weeks ago.

look.i understand. promise. i am in the same position as yours. but please understand if i just want to rant. im a person trapped in this system--my body and if i dont let the inconsistencies and frustrations and grievances out, i will burst.

and my god, i can think of more situations where my body would be so useful than just let it explode like that.

the thing is, only few are privileged to have that alchemy night. for free. with free transpo, free drinks (most likely kasi someone pledged to sponsor) and free entrance and best of all, free boarding and lodging and breakfast and lunch (prolly) in our house in the morning. all you have to do is dress up and go. ta-da! you are now in tra-la-la land :D

and i know that you have tons to do. tons to think of. tons to contemplate on. but i reserved you two weeks ago. i begged for your time. asked you to call it off and spend time with me, to alchemy and dance the night away. but best of all, experience a surprise i prepared that will turn every person in alchemy into putty with envy.

unfortunately, the "babawi thing" is not really a good wager for the inis i am totally feeling right now. (damn it kung sa embassy pa pala ako nagpareserve edi napahiya lang ako)

look. i understand i just feel so bad and frustrated that all i did and all i planned for two weeks ago was well.. turned into pop! air.

tapos thing is, di ko na nagawa ung surprise.

i mean i can't go and party kung wala naman talaga ung reason nun for the party diba?

hayy sayang naman talaga. ciempre nahihiya din ako for the people i bothered just to help me with the surprise.

too bad na lang nhet.

sorry guys if you are to read this. i mean i understood you naman kaya i didn't text na lang. i just want to let my frustrations out.

siguro mejo pass na muna ako sa paginvite sa inyo. matatagalan na rin lang siguro.

posted by anthonette || 6:01 PM